Sorry it’s been so long since I blogged last but I thought I had run out of things to share. But I was at my doctor’s office the other day after having had laser surgery to get a 1 cm by 1.5 cm stone blasted and removed. No the surgery wasn’t the painful part, nor the poke with the needle twice to start the I.V., it was the 3 days, after trying to “pea” slowly so as not to cause too much pain, and to reduce the blood flow. I ask my wife if she was having her period and left it in the bowl that’s how bad it was sometimes. I went to my family doctor and he’s always after me to loss a little weight so I said to him I lost a “stone”. Not to miss a beat he said “Oh you mean about 16 lbs to the doc in training beside him”.
When I was a teacher in Onoway with two other punsters (one who makes a play on a word), the students would laugh, then groan and be mad at themselves for having laughed at the pun. I use to say my PUn ‘s were 2/3 funny, and that I was a CARD who should be dealt with but that wasn’t possible as I was so sharp since I lived on the edge of town. One kid who sat at the back of the classroom piped up don’t give up your day job (to be a comedian).
Here are a few puns E-mailed to me from my brother-in-law:
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
4. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
8. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
9. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
10. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head..’
11. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
12. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’
13. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
14. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
The other day in my E-mail I got a picture of my Aunt Irene who is 97 riding on a camel at a fair in Ontario. I am proud of her but in a way it is funny. She is braver than most.